The Four Tendencies
Tearing through The Four Tendencies on recommendation from my friend and colleague @meagengibson. In this book author Gretchen Rubin establishes a framework for understanding how different people respond to expectations. She makes an important distinction between outer expectations (what other people expect from us) and inner expectations (what we expect from ourselves) and how we (generally, but consistently) respond illuminates our tendency. I use the word illuminates here because one’s tendency is just that… a inclination toward a particular pattern of behavior.
The book goes on to highlight many nuances, but broadly classifies The Four Tendencies as follows:
Upholders respond readily to both outer and inner expectations.
Questioners question all expectations and meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified.
Obligers respond readily to outer expectations, but struggle to meet inner expectations.
Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike.
Based on what I’ve read, my tendency most closely aligns with that of an Upholder.
It’s been interesting to reflect on how this supports and/or sabotages me at work and at home. Upholders tend to be eager, self-directed, conscientious, and reliable. In order to achieve all they do, Upholders are also very structured, dependent on routine, may be inflexible, and have trouble delegating. I can see bits and pieces of me and my approach in all that.
Where this book has been extremely helpful has been in reaffirming the need to individualize my approach with students.
I can be more effective as a mentor if I understand what motivates them to meet expectations (theirs and mine / inner and outer).
I used this insight just the other day with one of my students who’s a Questioner. In framing an assignment and an ask, I took particular care in making sure this student knew how/why it was relevant to her, which was all she needed to dive in.
